Annually ranked among the best attractions visited by Ohio Valley Haunts, "Haunted Hoochie at Dead Acres is arguably the haunted house experience of a lifetime. Approach to this overwhelming assault on the senses spots a colossal, demonic monster sitting perched high atop the roof glaring down from above alongside a pair of huge silos that blast flames skyward like beckoning searchlights guarding the encompassing surroundings. An exploding moonshine still in addition to a rusty, antique pickup truck are among the sights perceived en route to the barricaded double-door entrance that soon witnesses an irate brute comes bursting through welcoming the action-packed adventure into a horrific, blood splattering suicide surprise that climaxes with all Hell breaking loose in the form of an onslaught of touching, grabbing, and chainsaw assaults that persist for practically the entire duration of the contemptible exploits about to be embarked upon. This initial pandemonium relinquishes past closed caskets that unexpectedly spring open surrendering restless, undead souls clutching and clawing at visitors forcing them onward through an area compromised by a giant snake, an enlarged hand, and into the clutches of a pair of mechanical savages boasting huge, sharp teeth, and piercing red eyes. Hallways burn like raging wildfires, as flames shoot up from windows, and smoke engulfs the corridors as electrical short-circuits snap, crackle, and pop from the stress of the blazing inferno. Eluding the holocaust exposes ghastly fiends emerging from everywhere, grabbing onto clothing and arms, pulling the hair of passersby, and hurling insults down a practically unbearable path as it makes its way onto a succession of treacherous atrocities where a hopelessly restrained victim suffers the horrific fate of having his legs viciously amputated by a merciless psychopath armed with an inhumane circular saw, immediately followed by the diabolical decapitation of an accosted Clown at the unforgiving hands of a ferocious maniac wielding a large, lethal blade, who braggadocio celebrates his barbaric act by hoisting the severed head high into the air like his most prized trophy.
Continuation divulges inhumane hangings, and skeleton containing, upright coffins in advance of an overzealous assemblage of blood-soaked lunatics hell-bent on denying passage. Around the bend, a demented physician enlists the aid of some sort of metal, screw-like contraption to deprave lobotomize a poor damsel-in-distress, then scantily clad girls deliver bilateral besmerchments, one from behind a neighboring shower curtain just prior to an unexpected spraying surprise that spews forth venom from the mouth of a massive, elongated snake. Mummified corpses reanimate, as progression brings about an overwhelming area of total destruction ruled by the headless horseman, and dominated by enraged behemoths including a livid Impaler; a discontented, devil-horned, glowing-eyed, red-toothed demon; and an equally defiant pterodactyl sporting an immeasurable wingspan descending from directly overhead.
Seeking refuge results in stumbling into the midst of a war zone of frantic soldiers fiercely fighting to defend themselves from a blitzkrieg that's wrecked their jeeps, crashed a helicopter, and summoned medics hurrying to escort the injured into a military ambulance for treatment as a machine gun opens fire from the back of a cargo truck, and incoming rounds of ammo splash into surrounding water. Panic and pandemonium ensue as civilians race for cover through an area infested with rats, then into an abusive encroachment past an incinerating blast furnace, and into the total chaos of blaring air raid sirens alerting the escape of maximum security inmates from a nearby penal institution erupting in a mass jailbreak.
Ruthless prisoners reclaim their freedom, only to engage in muggings and similar violent offenses that landed them there in the first place! Outdoors, and across a wooden bridge unearths a hellion encroaching from out of a creek below, followed by a brief, over-friendly hillbilly chaperoning the way into a malignant chainsaw pursuit amid a plethora of sparks that explode into the path ahead from a couple of caged succubi likewise revving chainsaws on the steel bars of their solitary confinements. The creepiest music you ever heard invite the route into a spooky cemetery haunted by a red-eyed grim reaper-like creature, and defiled by an irrational gravedigger. More chainsaws and a triple-team of sparks await, as skull and skeleton-lined walls close in from both sides preceding a deranged dentist using an electric grinder as his chosen instrument of oral care for his strapped-down patient! As her blood splatters against the wall, abominations continue to mount as forging onward elicits more elevated skirmishes én route to an abhorrent barber shop, where a maniacal coiffure utilizes some sort of fatal device to squeeze the cranium of another ill-fated maiden, then it's onto a barbaric torture chamber, where another poor soul is bisected in half by the sharpened blades of a ferocious table saw.
A horn-honking, near miss hit-and-run is still to come, followed by scampering roaches, and more animated monsters that give way to the unholy scene of a Satanic exorcism taking place in an expansive, candle-lit cathedral that witnesses unclean spirits and serpents being physically cast out from their unrighteous possession supplemented by an enormous aerial pentagram that suddenly bursts into flames! An elaborate junkyard is on the horizon, complicated by an ill-willed grease monkey that sets up a run-in with a speeding motorcyclist accompanied by the illumination of the headlights of piled up cars. Poisonous spiders, hissing vipers, and an apparition of the Devil himself evolve through a spinning vortex into a death-defying entrapment that unveils a defenseless stooge being chopped in two right before your very eyes by some crazed, homicidal schizo clutching onto a gas-guzzling chainsaw. A previously barricaded door enables avoidance of certain demise by providing an unseen escape past a rabid dog, onto a Tree House rockin' don't come a knockin' chain-saw chase-out from the most extreme haunted house known to man, Dead Acres.
